My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize