didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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