Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
