he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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