I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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