It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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