I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
