they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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