i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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