Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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