Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
