It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
