did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
