I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
