the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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