It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
