dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
