my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize