After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
