so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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