And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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