Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
