Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
