I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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