My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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