She is in my trunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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