if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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