I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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