i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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