I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
