Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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