I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
