Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
