my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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