Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
