My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
