i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
