i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
