grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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