I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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