I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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