trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
