I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this boner is exhausting
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
