Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
