he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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