I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
