well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
