I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
