i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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