dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.