literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep