Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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