you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
