Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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