You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
