my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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