I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs