Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.