if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.