Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
