I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
only if we run a train.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.