Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.