I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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