OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
